Should there be limits to our access to information? Topic Sentence: I think there must be limits to our access to information. Elaboration: I think there must be limits to our access to information because the information could be making controversies between people without the limits. Some of the writings that were banned and not published were the books that were beyond the limits. Examples: Some examples are the Galileo’s book about heliocentric, Video about African American and the old man. Explanation/Analysis: The book about Galileo’s book was one of the biggest controversy almost all over Europe. His book was against the Catholic religion and the book states Link Sentence: I think there must be limits to access to information.
In my opinion, I (do not use I too much but I think it should be ok) think there should be limits to our access to information. There has ( instad of have) have to be a limit that can restrict that information that can be disputable between people.(elaboration and needs to be more clear) Information could vary in many different ways. It doesn’t always have to be a writing or a book, it could be a record or a video that violates keeping ( not really necessary) privacy. There are some great examples that can support the the opinion. The first example is the Galileo's book about heliocentric and his many different studies.(specific examples could be better. Like the name of the book?) It used to be controversial however today it is one of the great discovery in the U(no caps needed) niverse. Back then, the Roman Catholic religion banned Galileo's book by(< replace) playing God as Catholics say. ( doesn't make sense :/) This(what is “This” ?) had to be banned because this made disputation between religious believers. The last example is the video that was on the internet.(Specific examples : the name of the video) This could be a good example for going against some one's privacy. This video is about an African American man/ women getting mad to an old man. There was a miscommunication between these two men. I think there must be limits to access to information. (re word to make it more easy to read)
Good examples, and voice (opinion towards the topic). But there are some parts in the paragraph that was not clear enough. I think you should put more specific examples, and try to make the paragraph more clear and easier to read. It could be even better with stronger vocabluary.
Conclusion needed.
Final Draft In my opinion, I think there should be limits to our access to information. There has to be a limit that can restrict that information that can be disputable between people. The information doesn’t always have to be a writing or a book, it could be a record or a video that violates certain people's privacy. There are some great examples that can support the the opinion. The first example is the Galileo's book about heliocentric and his many different studies. It used to be controversial however today it is one of the great discovery in the Universe. Back then, the Roman Catholic religion banned Galileo's book for playing God according to the Roman Catholics. The book had to be banned because this made controversies between religious believers. In my thought, the prohibition of the book was actually a positive movement because if this book was published all over the world the people would be acting against the religion and disputation between religions might have occurred. This is not the only example I have. There is also an example that is very known to Koreans. It is the video of the African American and an old man on the bus. This could be a good example for going against some one's privacy. This video violated privacy against almost every people in the bus. People who watched the video have negative views toward the African American. However we don't know what happened before the accident happened. I think there was no reason uploading the video on the internet. The video just made Koreans to offend African Americans. There should be limits. When it goes over the limit, it can make people mad and issues around the world.
Topic Sentence: I think there must be limits to our access to information.
Elaboration: I think there must be limits to our access to information because the information could be making controversies between people without the limits. Some of the writings that were banned and not published were the books that were beyond the limits.
Examples: Some examples are the Galileo’s book about heliocentric, Video about African American and the old man.
Explanation/Analysis: The book about Galileo’s book was one of the biggest controversy almost all over Europe. His book was against the Catholic religion and the book states
Link Sentence: I think there must be limits to access to information.
In my opinion, I (do not use I too much but I think it should be ok) think there should be limits to our access to information. There has ( instad of have) have to be a limit that can restrict that information that can be disputable between people.(elaboration and needs to be more clear) Information could vary in many different ways. It doesn’t always have to be a writing or a book, it could be a record or a video that violates keeping ( not really necessary) privacy. There are some great examples that can support the the opinion. The first example is the Galileo's book about heliocentric and his many different studies.(specific examples could be better. Like the name of the book?) It used to be controversial however today it is one of the great discovery in the U(no caps needed) niverse. Back then, the Roman Catholic religion banned Galileo's book by(< replace) playing God as Catholics say. ( doesn't make sense :/) This(what is “This” ?) had to be banned because this made disputation between religious believers. The last example is the video that was on the internet.(Specific examples : the name of the video) This could be a good example for going against some one's privacy. This video is about an African American man/ women getting mad to an old man. There was a miscommunication between these two men. I think there must be limits to access to information. (re word to make it more easy to read)
Good examples, and voice (opinion towards the topic). But there are some parts in the paragraph that was not clear enough. I think you should put more specific examples, and try to make the paragraph more clear and easier to read. It could be even better with stronger vocabluary.
Conclusion needed.
Final Draft
In my opinion, I think there should be limits to our access to information. There has to be a limit that can restrict that information that can be disputable between people. The information doesn’t always have to be a writing or a book, it could be a record or a video that violates certain people's privacy. There are some great examples that can support the the opinion. The first example is the Galileo's book about heliocentric and his many different studies. It used to be controversial however today it is one of the great discovery in the Universe. Back then, the Roman Catholic religion banned Galileo's book for playing God according to the Roman Catholics. The book had to be banned because this made controversies between religious believers. In my thought, the prohibition of the book was actually a positive movement because if this book was published all over the world the people would be acting against the religion and disputation between religions might have occurred. This is not the only example I have. There is also an example that is very known to Koreans. It is the video of the African American and an old man on the bus. This could be a good example for going against some one's privacy. This video violated privacy against almost every people in the bus. People who watched the video have negative views toward the African American. However we don't know what happened before the accident happened. I think there was no reason uploading the video on the internet. The video just made Koreans to offend African Americans. There should be limits. When it goes over the limit, it can make people mad and issues around the world.